EGGzams!!

Every year, for every student, comes a time when they run out of time. A time when everyone feels he is suffering from a short term memory loss, a time when everyone hates 2 and half hours more than the entire year,a time when one hates god, when at every moment one feels that his future depends on what he does in the next half hour(though actually it wont ever be!!), a time when the predicament induces a chagrin that persecutes for long, a time when we run out of words, numbers, names, expressions!! This is how i can define the most dramatic moment (a collection of moments, rather) in a student's life, Exam. I prefer calling it EGGzam.
How long could i run away from it, the amnesia that lasts for not more than 3 hours. It was a paper i never liked, (as is the case most of the times). As always, the whole semester i was idle, work-less, worthless, and thanks to the university had 3 days to prepare for the paper(every engineer loves the university for justttt that!!). This is how i studied...rather, this is how you contract a 3 hour amnesia:

Day 0(after the previous paper): 3 din chhutti hai!! aaaj rest!!!!! bahut mehnat ki aaj! I deserve rest!

Day 1: pehle hi din kya padhne ka bey!
call 1: Sid, meri VBD tere paas hai.?
call 2: Damya, meri VBD ghuum gai, extra VBD jama sakta?
call 3: kaddy, me aata tere ghar raatko, mujhe kuchhhh to samjhana, meko kuchh bhi nahi aata!!

Day 2:Aaj section A karta, kal section B, hogaya!! wow what a plan!!
call 1: Sid, kya padh raha.?? kab padhega.? hao kya??? chhod fir me bhi shaamko shuru karta!! kya karraha.?

Day 3:kuchh nahi aata what to do?? what to do?? section A karu ki B.?? shit!!!
call 1: Sid, fattt rahi bey! kuchh bhi nahi aaraha...papers dekhe kya??
call 2: Kad, page 433 dekh, meko kuchh bhi nahi samjha bey!! jama to batana...fattt rahi bey!!
call 3: Damya, hello!! hello!! soya hai kya.? achha theekay soja soja...

And after all that, as everyone would do, pray.!!!! Pray that you sit on the second last bench, pray that section A has all 5 questions on unit 1, pray that it would be the simplest paper ever, pray that the paper has many mistakes so you would get many marks for free, pray that your neighbor has chits, and lastly, pray that the paper gets postponed!
I did all that and in the end, forgot everything!! The paper was the worst i ever saw, all positive attitude etc, drained off. I hated the 3 hrs more than the whole year, i ran out of time, i felt that the whole of my future depends on what i write now, I hated God, I was running short of words names equations, the predicament had induced a chagrin...I was in the middle of the EGGzam...

...I was suffering from the 3 hr amnesia.

War at our doorsteps....inside we sleep.

This weird thought came in my mind when i was watching the 60th National day celebration by China. It was by far the biggest show of military might ever, more than that i had the feeling that i share with many, that it was a show for the world to see. It was a warning to the US and India not to mingle with them or else this is what will play with you!
A really bad feeling persists in my mind that there will be war in not much time. A war that wont be good for India by any means. Who knows, may be a repeat of 1962. Certainly, we won the war against Pakistan in '47, '65, '71 and also in '99, but the situation now is hell different. China has developed like a virus, from nowhere to everywhere. Pakistan has developed its army thanks to the timely aid given by stupid Americans. The US is facing the worst of the recession, and is still spending billions of its money in the much acclaimed but no result cum never ending "War on terror". I wonder how much money they will have in coming years with such a high expenditure.
Nepal, India's supporter in international politics for all these years has a Maoist Government that hates India. Bangladesh has already been sending in terrorists in the east through support from (father)Pakistan. Myanmar never liked India. SriLanka is already torn to pieces. And Now, if War breaks out...God knows...no..everyone knows what would happen.
The moment China attacks India, for its claim on Arunachal and Assam, Pakistan no doubt would seize this golden opportunity(they are well known for that), and attack India from the Northwestern front. Bangladesh and Burma may join Chinese hands( China has been working on that for years). Nepal may betray, who knows. Americans would be forced to support Pakistan(for all AID they've been giving) but since they too are against China, may refrain from doing anything! America, as they have done in both the World Wars, would stay and watch. And would enter only when it nears its end.
So, who will come for India's rescue?? EU?? why? Russia?? They are already starving, still they might support, but China may overpower them(I hope not!). We will be at our own risks. India will have to fight it out all by itself. The moment there is support from Russia, North Korea would help China. Israel, Iran may help Pak, EU may at that stage help India with material. And in no time....it would be a World War. And remember India, Pak, China, Russia, N.Korea, USA, all are equipped with Nuclear weapons!!

And here we are today, finding water on Moon!!! Spending 500cr on Statues! Worried about Austerity!!Pilots fighting for salaries!! People in our own lands don't have water, and we spend 450 cr for finding water on the moon!! And no one cares about where Indian Army stands in technological development. We still use MIGs bought decades ago, Bofors bought in 80s, Tanks used in 72!! Indians seem to be worried about the Champions Trophy. Worried about Rakhi Sawant's marriage! Who would be the next Roadie!!


Hell!.....wake up!! or you would never get a chance to ever wake up from sleep...

IITs: Hungry kya.??

Couldn't blog because of exams, blogging now as am bored with these exams!

The Newspapers seem to be having a nice time in this pre-season part of the year with the IITian professors going on a hunger strike to get their pays corrected! Pay? IITian professor? worry? hunger strike? seems absolutely preposterous.
A guy on tweeter said that the govt should not throw peanuts, as they would only end up attracting monkeys. I don't understand why these IITian professors are acting like monkeys by refusing to eat?? And that too for a pay hike? These people should indeed be hungry for knowledge rather than money. IITs are known for the kind of knowledge they give, the researches they conduct successfully, The great Alumni, but now we have IITs on the front pages of newspapers for an issue regarding salaries!! Looks so odd, vague, bohemian, and of course ridiculous!
I read the complete news and it was then i came to know the extent to which these ingenious professors have become ingenuous. They want a 100% pay hike ( I've never seen or heard that happen ). The comparisons they show are that of a Harvard or an Oxford professor's salary with theirs. Sure, they get lesser salaries, no doubt, but i don't understand how these genius professors forgot that the Oxford and the Harvard Universities are the richest universities in the world! They create money for their own. They create a revenue worth millions!! Compared to that, IITs produce NIL!! And now they are on a HUNGER STRIKE for an increase in pay 100%!! No word better that ridiculous can be worth using here.
The IITs and the IIMs are independent, right, but still they are Govt colleges. And interestingly, they (professors)get a pay that is equivalent to a professor's pay at oxford(The professor there gets a salary tantamount with the Govt employee). Moreover, another demand the IITs make is regarding autonomy in selecting permanent teachers and professors. The norm they want is that a PhD who comes there for the job must be given the permanent contract right away (WHYY??). The norm currently used is that the new person must be given a three year temporary status after which if he is suitable be given the permanent job. What's the problem with that!!?? The first time i read this, i felt i had read it wrong, and the IITs demand must have been the second one. I was wrong. The second time i read with assurance and all i could say was "Ridiculous".
I have full respect for the IITs for the quality of education they provide, the students they have, the knowledge they possess. But i feel bad to say that they are acting no less than politicians who end up making stupid demands and follow even more stupid ways to achieve them. JAI HIND!

Collapsed Anxiety...

Yesterday was one of the most intriguing days for me. An absolutely boring day with nothing new to do than just regret for not being able to wake up early, regrettable studies, regrettable actions,etc. But the way it turned around to make it a day worth living again was something i really enjoyed.

I was bored. All day there was nothing to do. College was no different. But when i came home and looked around for something to eat, my phone rang. An unknown number. A growing sense of anxiety began just then, and i picked it up as fast as i could (the fone!). "Hello, I am Prajakta from Infocepts Technologies, Vishnu your interview with Shashank Sir ( The Chairman )is scheduled for tonight 8 pm. Will you be free?" How could i ever say no!! " Yes of course, no problem." I didn't want to kick that chance away just for a stupid class that i might miss. I said yes and got ready. The Chairman!! that very feeling was enough to trigger a volcano of anxiety.

I reached there in a somewhat formal dress, well combed hair,polished shoes....BUT NO PENN.!!! The collapse of the anxiety began just then...when i entered the cabin, it was cold, the air conditioner was facing me. In front of me was the Chairman! And i must tell you, he did look like one.! No smile on his face whatsoever, a super ironed shirt, super combed hair,and with a soft yet hard voice he asked me to be seated and immediately in a minute he gave me a shocker. An analytical problem...it was then i remembered that i had NO PEN! The collapse of anxiety was inevitable now.

What followed was a complete collapse of the eagerness and the vim that was inside me.He was adamant in the way he was questioning, and i scampered for answers. I was feeling the pressure of sitting in front of a Boss, and i had succumbed to it. He never changed one expression throughout the interview, nor did he even pay attention to my explanations. He was a BOSS.!! A Damn Boss!! An American Indian accent just added to that. In no time i was sweating profusely, and i know he had noticed it, for i was sweating in spite of the air conditioner!

The Interview got over in some time, and i was on my way back. After all the drama that was going on inside me in front of that Boss, all had gone. The internal recession seemed to be over. And by the time i reached home,i wanted to get back in there and talk to him again. The Collapsed Anxiety had just begun a resurrection.

Down and Out!

I don't know if what i am writing is comprehensible, reprehensible,sententious, simply inscrutable or just insouciant rubbish , but i am painting my heart out on this canvas and for me it no longer matters if it's worth even a penny of praise or curse. Abstruse as it may seem, my mind is no different. Complex, terse, spectral, sordid or whatever one would call, it ain't far from a guess.
Life as it's quite common for everyone is full of bonds. Technical, emotional, psychological, and even professional bonds. My mind ain't different. Bonds Bonds and more bonds; covalent,ionic and magnetic. The problem arises when these bonds start tightening and make it difficult to respire. That problem is one of those in which i am just not able to find a way out. All around there's a feeling of being lost in a labyrinth of blood, a labyrinth of relations, a chakravyuh destined to kill you, a feeling that makes me feel no less than an Eklavya who did everything he could but still succumbed to the chakravyuh. For the first time in my life I've ran out of solutions.
"Never opened my self this way...
Life is ours, we live it our way..." ,says Metallica. Am feeling no different. "All these words i don't just say....
And nothing else matters...".
Few days back i felt if i were a child....but now i dont. I do not want to relive these days where each second I am dying. A Hemorrhage that can't be cured. A Mind that has not yet healed, for everyday it gets hurt. There are so many ways to kill someone, but there's one way that has killed me not once, but many many times. Words. Sometimes some words make ya feel great, some words can make ya happy, some words can make you cry, but there are some words that kill. Some words that take no time to pierce through the otherwise impregnable mind. I have enough holes in there caused by these simple looking words. And it Hurts. It Kills.
These wounds seem to have become septic now, for they are spreading to every known corner of my mind, body and soul. On a race where at every moment one needs to be focused to achieve the goal, I seem to be having a leaking fuel tank.
With no mordant or sardonic feelings or animosity or any invidious comments,I need to tell something. I am not a bigot, I am not an angry boy who doesn't care, and for god's sake i am not Selfish.!!! I may not be able to express my love the way you would want me to, I may be a coconut from outside but i am no less than milk inside. I love everyone...I care for everyone from the bottom of my heart. Please don't use words that kill, I wont be able to take that anymore. Am alive just for a small little Bond i care. Am already a recluse, please don't make me a forlorn waste. I've already lost all my energy, help me. Am down and Out.

In Memory of Memories..

For the last few days i had not been in any mood to even talk to anyone. I just wanted to stay alone in my room and have just silence as company. I was depressed. The worst i had ever been; may be i had changed, may be something was wrong with me, but whatever that was...it hurt.
I was just looking around in my room so that i could distract myself from suicidal thoughts and suddenly one thing caught my eye...it was a photo. My childhood photo, my school group photo, Vth A section,VTConvent. I was not smiling(i still dont know why),nor where those who were standing close to me. But there was one group in the pic that was not just smiling but laughing, and that too in the weirdest possible manner they could, i could not help but laugh looking at that photo as i could see the ease with which laughs could spread in a group when everyone was silent and just 10 yrs old!!
That was more that a decade ago, when i didnt even know the spelling of depressed. Single 'S' or double.?? i wish i was in school again...

School...when every morning i woke up late,dressed up as fast as i could after the world's fastest bath, and ran like hell to reach before 7:10am. As always, i used to reach at 7:15(despite of living next to the school)...it was then i realized that i was definitely not alone!! I always had company. And when you could finally reach in time on any day, it was then you realized that you hadn't cut the nails(so eat them up as fast as u can!!),you hadn't polished your shoes(so use the back of ur socks as fast as u can!!), Loose Socks!!(so look in ur pocket 4 the emergency rubberband!!),Tie doesn't have a knot(tie it!!!!!),The Green House badge is missing( beg for one around!!)....and after all those efforts....you would end up caught for long hair!!! I wish i was in School again....

Inside the class, you cursed the teacher for remembering the homework(of course when you didnt do that!!). And when she asked us, the best reason that still works many times...."Ma'm I did the Homework, but I forgot the copy". And as always...me and my friends continued talking....outside the class!!(coz it was the third time in 3 days my friends and I had said the same reason to the same teacher!!!) And then cursed the teacher for slapping us in front of the class. I wish i was in that class again...

In the Break: "Thank you god for the food we eat..."(a prayer that was said way faster than what was meant to be) followed by " Thank you MADAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM"(thats exactly how it can be spelled!!)
Fights were common. The one who did not obey the groups orders was ostracized from the group and no one would talk to him. Those were rules. Group rules that were subject to change...any moment. Coz if your friend breaks the rule, the rule was changed. And at any moment, a friend would be called a foe...and the very next moment...he would be a friend again(lack of memory may be!). Well that was the best part of childhood...many fights...many quarrels...but still no foes..all friends!!
And when the long bell struck, "Oh my god...thank you very much for the day...."
in fifteen seconds, the long prayer used to be over,and with that the end of all enmity or jealousy, ego or anger,whatever was present. By the time we walked back home, everyone was a friend again, everyone was happy again,and every shoe was dirty again...

I wish i was a Kid again...no ego...no worries...no anger..no hurries...no enemies...just a ten yr old...who never knew what depression was...single 's' or double ....

Budget: BADget

I couldn't stop myself from writing about the reprehensible budget Mr. Pranab Mukherjee presented few days back, so here i go. One of the first facts that came out was that the expenditure touched Rs.10,00,000 crores for the first time in Indian History, now that's a huge sum of money. The irony is that despite of such magnanimous spending, India is still a developing country and to add to it,India is still a country of the poor(I wonder where all that money goes!).
The Fiscal deficit increased to 6.8% of the GDP. Now, for a country that spends at least 10lac crore Rs., 6.8% of the GDP is not just huge but massive,not just massive but dangerously massive. For all those who find these terms and the budget to be simply inscrutable, let me make it clear; When a country spends more money than it earns the gap that is produced is called the deficit. The fiscal gap measures the difference between government spending and revenues over the very long term, typically as a percentage of Gross Domestic Product. The fiscal gap can be interpreted as the percentage increase in revenues or reduction of expenditures necessary to balance spending and revenues in the long run.
Coming back to the point, such a big fiscal deficit needs to be corrected asap and measures need to be taken to curb expenditure and increase revenues. But, what Pranab Mukherjee declared in the budget was an increase in expenditure which many found to be unnecessary and uncalled for. For example, the expenditure on NREGS( National Rural Employment Guarantee Scheme) was increased 150% to Rs.39000 crore. The Implementation of the same scheme happens to be done haphazardly and when measures need to be taken to properly implement that, the Government simply increased the expenditure!!( Now that's where all the money goes.)
Japan too had faced such a situation earlier in 2002 when its fiscal deficit was around 8.2% of the GDP in 2002. But, the government in Japan controlled the tax( of course increased it to increase revenue) and reduced unwanted expenditure, and was able to reduce that gap to 4%. But even that took a lot of efforts and more importantly 6 long years! But in India,the Congress Govt has only 5 more years!( I wonder what they'll do if they lose the next elections!)
But Indian government instead of adroitly controlling the taxes and expenditure has simply ignored the taxes(in fact increased tax exemptions for many), and increased expenditure , No No No, not on infrastructure or health facilities, but on Schemes!!!( That's exactly where all the money goes.)
The Stock market's response has been directly proportional to the Budget performance. The response was BAD. It has been on a bear run for a week now. Expected, as there was nothing that the Budget said for them. The Budget literally ignored them. No wonder why the response was so apoplectic.
Interestingly, the only part of the budget that had some reductions in prices was LCD tv, Gold and mobile phones. I wonder how that would help the poor in India for whom the budget was primarily meant for this year.