Ein-stain...

"There's a darkening sky before me,
there's no time to prepare,
Salvage a lost horizon,
but no regrets from me."

After a while as i was listening to this song, the words which continued ringing inside me were simply,"No more lies". As these words keep ringing inside me day in and day out, ther's just one feeling inside me, exactly what the song was saying to me, "No more Lies". I have become an Engineer, but i still never have had the feeling that I am of the same grade the poor workers call "Engineer Saheb", Never have i had a pulse inside me that says people like "me" changed the lives of the people by creating the change, never had a joy inside my heart where i felt i could be a change people needed; all this time, I never felt I was an "Engineer".

I've grown up watching tv, watching The Discovery channel, The National Geographic channel. I've grown up watching people build robots, watched people make gadgets which could change lives, I've grown up seeing people who create soda makers from just junk. I had seen men working on huge satellites in no gravity, I had seen them wearing the white aprons and working in white labs, with huge computer screens which showed some unknown numbers to which they stared and celebrated, I'd seen them make robots walk n talk, Robots which could go to the moon. That's what an Engineer was for me. I wondered what i was then. Was i a 'life changer'? No. Was I a good mechanic? No. Was i good in labs? No. Could i make robots? No. Could i make supercomputers? No. I never even had my own apron, and the closest i could get to the moon was from my terrace! And yet i was an Engineer. Was I an Engineer? No. "No more lies"

I was still an Engineer. An engineer whose projects could never work. An Engineer who never knew answers to the questions which started with "Why". I was an Engineer who worked all the semester to make sure he didn't have a fight with the teacher, an engineer whose only aim was to clear the exam. I was an Engineer who took his fone to a shop to get it repaired, who called the "computerwala" when the computer didn't start, an Engineer who dialed the Electrician's number the moment the cooler didn't start or the mixer died. An engineer who could never write proper answers to questions he'd never seen before. All that i knew was which questions could come in the next paper , how to rewrite lines in the answer to make it long, how to sign like the teacher, i was an engineer who knew which movie dvd was coming up soon, but never knew how the dvd player worked, an Engineer who could never become an Engineer. Still I was an Engineer, I'l never know "why".
I was an Engineer who always listened to Pink Floyd's songs and felt that it was really a song you wanted to sing loud in the class when the teacher shouted at you.
"We don't need no Education,
We don't need no thought control.
No dark sarcasm in the classroom,
Teacher leave us kids alone
All in all you're just another brick in the wall."

I was an Engineer who felt that song was for me. And in the end, there was a darkening sky before me, with no time to prepare, i'd salvaged a lost horizon, still no regrets from me....."No more lies".

And as I watch numerous students in their tenth standard passing with 96, 97 percentages, I feel happy that the future will have so qualified people, with so many big colleges, so many teachers, so many books, nearly a hundred thousand Engineers pumped into the system every year, it makes me feel happy. But what kind of Engineers? Like me?? I know not all of them would be like me, but even if there's one Ein'stain like me amidst all other Einsteins, I know there would be someone somewhere who would feel the same as me some day.....

"All in all I'm just another brick in the wall"