Monotone-us...

For two months, which felt like no less than 2 years, i felt every inch of the word the world calls "stressed". Every damn day woke up early, ran to office and in office there was always so much in store that one brain always felt insufficient, two hands always too busy and two legs always too slow. For two months while i was being trained, my heart pumped hard because so much was flowing in...so much was needed to flow out as code and so much was left. Time made fun of you, coz every time you checked the time, it was way too ahead of what you thought. But there was something different than usual, my mind had started loving it!! I don't know how or why, but it seemed like it had reversed the word "stressed" and made it "desserts"!!!!!

Today I am in Hyderabad. Away from home, away from friends, away from college. For the first time in my life i've realized what I am without my friends...just an old shoe with open laces...wont fit in anywhere, and will be left out at every step. Here i work for a company which has 200,000 people to work on nearly double number of computers. I work for a company where you work on a computer and some other computer works on you. Today i am one of them.

I miss my friends every day when i enter the office and find numb faces staring at me, every day when i sit on the wooden "bench" made specially for people like me, benches where people have to sit facing away from each other and look at other fellow workers walking away in groups of not more than 2 and talking something i would never understand..
"The different modules u kno ugulululu, i m working on the data side of the beta section but database blasalauausu connectivity!! I told him adu asuglugglalsguglglugugugulululu...luagayalturualu..Database ufyshsanalulublablblublu...beta bhulululu.. (the unknown part was telugu!!!! which i didn't understand one bit!!!!!!).
But there was something i did understand, it was the look on their faces, it was Numb. They bore no expression, eyebrows didn't move, eyes dull, shoulders down, no smile ever, shirt cuffs folded up, dusty shoes, an unclear ID card hanging from the collar, from six pack to rice pack bellies and they all walked slowly. A look on the face where you feel they had lost all hopes of a flying career, all dreams slowly and painfully washing themselves away with every second they spend looking into the computers. There was something which i was never accustomed to, a deserted feeling inside such a huge office with so many people and I found that same feeling reflected in every eye which looked at me every time i laughed out loud or was excited to tell something.
I wanted to know what made them such monotonous machines, i wanted to show them the mirror to let them know how deserted and numb they all looked, how dull they look when they walk slow, I wanted to know if that's what i was going to become in days to come...

I had so many questions to ask,"What do these resource managers do!!" "Why does every second spectacled man look like Ramalinga Raju and every third lady look pregnant!!" "Why don't you all smile ever.??!?" "Why do you allll walk slowww.!!!!!" "Why's every one talking about only 'onsite'!!" "Does ANYONE CARE !!!!!!!!??" "Why are Freshers treated lyk Filth!!!!????" "Does it EVER matter how you feel!!???" but i know nothing would ever come out of those closed minds working around me with numb faces. I don't think any one would ever TELL me the reason why they all looked so heavily monotonous.

It's now 2 weeks I've joined the office here. Every day i have to report to the resource manager who says he has nothing for people without any prior experience and just asks us to go! From a hurried life in Ahmedabad where time was always running out, Time seems to be making fun of me again. With absolutely nothing to do whole day and with rejection and denial every morning, being treated like filth....by the end of the day today i felt something really harsh...
I was losing hopes of a flying career, felt my dreams washing away slowly and painfully, me eyes were dull, eyebrows numb, shoulders down, i didn't want to smile, my shoes were dusty, shirt cuffs folded up and with an unclear ID hanging on my collar, I walked out of the exit....very slowly.