Its been long I've wrote something on this canvas, I dont think i would be able to explain why, for i was walking all the time. walking on a known path, but on a journey i never knew, a journey i never know where or when will end, or where it will take me, all i know is that this journey will help me answer something.
I've walked a long way on this weird curvy path which leads to nowhere, this long road which never seems to end, this long road which has seen me for all these years, the same road on which I crawled as a toddler, fell on when i learned to ride a cycle. The same road which caught every single drop of tears which fell off my cheeks when i cried, and lifted me up every time my knees felt tired, this road had seen me grow up, this road which has seen my little face grow a beard and my tiny feet stay tiny, this road is where I've been all life, may be this road is what the world calls life.
"A little sweet, a little sour
a little close, not too far.."
"All i need, all i need,
all i need is to be free.."
I know I've grown up, but i do not know why there's always a child inside me who laughs very loud on stupid jokes, who unknowingly starts dancing to tunes with no worry what so ever, a child who cannot stop himself from inserting a piece of paper into a burning candle or spitting while looking down from the top floor, who starts walking backwards just to see how kool it looks to the see every one stare at you. And even as I now walk on this road, this child inside lives on without an ounce of thought of the future, to this child all that matters is the present, and for him it is indeed a present. This road knows who this child is, coz this is where this child learned to walk. This is where I fell down, this is where I got up, may be this is what the world calls home.
I've fallen down numerous times, may have lost the count. E ach time though I had the strength to get up again. And here I was sitting in front of destiny writers and answering questions which had nothing to at all with who I am, who I was, but it did affect who I was going to be. Away from home, away from friends, the only company was my shadow, perhaps the only thing that never leaves you and without you ever noticing laughs, dines and even dies with you. Only that shadow knows that I was who I am on that day in front of that panel. That it was who I am who laughed when the panel tried hard to get angry, It was who I am when I said I'd jump into a pit without knowing what's in there. And that it was the same who-I-am guy who felt shot in the heart on a bright little sunday when those destiny writers had chosen to write him off. So many drops of tears fell off that shadow that day, so many cups of hope fell down the sky on hard ground, so many prayers reached a dead end.
"Let me in without a shout..
let me in I have a doubt.
There are more, many more,
many many many more like me."
The little boy had fallen on his knees, all his courage drenched at the very sight that all that his hard work could manage was a straight reject. It doesn't feel good to see the only dream get shattered like anything. It kills to start all over again, the very look at those full notebooks takes me back to that panel, and that same question being asked.
"Open eyed now I run,
now I run to the other side,
then I glide like a bird,
I just want to be."
All that remains is the obsession which still doesn't go away, I cannot let myself bow down. With all that's left in me I will go again and this time the results wont matter, may be that's what I was, that's what I've always been, may be that is what I am.
"Will you jump into a pit without knowing what's in there?".... "Yes Sir."
I've walked a long way on this weird curvy path which leads to nowhere, this long road which never seems to end, this long road which has seen me for all these years, the same road on which I crawled as a toddler, fell on when i learned to ride a cycle. The same road which caught every single drop of tears which fell off my cheeks when i cried, and lifted me up every time my knees felt tired, this road had seen me grow up, this road which has seen my little face grow a beard and my tiny feet stay tiny, this road is where I've been all life, may be this road is what the world calls life.
"A little sweet, a little sour
a little close, not too far.."
"All i need, all i need,
all i need is to be free.."
I know I've grown up, but i do not know why there's always a child inside me who laughs very loud on stupid jokes, who unknowingly starts dancing to tunes with no worry what so ever, a child who cannot stop himself from inserting a piece of paper into a burning candle or spitting while looking down from the top floor, who starts walking backwards just to see how kool it looks to the see every one stare at you. And even as I now walk on this road, this child inside lives on without an ounce of thought of the future, to this child all that matters is the present, and for him it is indeed a present. This road knows who this child is, coz this is where this child learned to walk. This is where I fell down, this is where I got up, may be this is what the world calls home.
I've fallen down numerous times, may have lost the count. E ach time though I had the strength to get up again. And here I was sitting in front of destiny writers and answering questions which had nothing to at all with who I am, who I was, but it did affect who I was going to be. Away from home, away from friends, the only company was my shadow, perhaps the only thing that never leaves you and without you ever noticing laughs, dines and even dies with you. Only that shadow knows that I was who I am on that day in front of that panel. That it was who I am who laughed when the panel tried hard to get angry, It was who I am when I said I'd jump into a pit without knowing what's in there. And that it was the same who-I-am guy who felt shot in the heart on a bright little sunday when those destiny writers had chosen to write him off. So many drops of tears fell off that shadow that day, so many cups of hope fell down the sky on hard ground, so many prayers reached a dead end.
"Let me in without a shout..
let me in I have a doubt.
There are more, many more,
many many many more like me."
The little boy had fallen on his knees, all his courage drenched at the very sight that all that his hard work could manage was a straight reject. It doesn't feel good to see the only dream get shattered like anything. It kills to start all over again, the very look at those full notebooks takes me back to that panel, and that same question being asked.
"Open eyed now I run,
now I run to the other side,
then I glide like a bird,
I just want to be."
All that remains is the obsession which still doesn't go away, I cannot let myself bow down. With all that's left in me I will go again and this time the results wont matter, may be that's what I was, that's what I've always been, may be that is what I am.
"Will you jump into a pit without knowing what's in there?".... "Yes Sir."
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