Last Saturday was a day I wont forget for the rest of my life. India had won the World Cup. We were the World Champions.! When Dhoni hit the ball far away into the crowds, a billion hearts went berserk, a billion throats screamed at the top of their limits, 2 billion hands went up and all of them wanted just one thing, to wave the Indian Flag. All hearts wanted to celebrate, dance, drink, scream, wave the flag, and a place to do all this with a thousand others.
My Saturday night was spent with those thousand others and boy that night the whole of Nagpur(for that matter the whole of India) was on the road with a thousand others. For the first time I saw my countrymen forget castes, race, money, religion and every other barrier to simply celebrate. I saw that young blood jump on top of hoardings, those energy filled eyes shouting at the top of their voice, those bodies didn't want any shirts for they were sweating like anything and every drop of sweat they felt was for their motherland and no stitched piece of cotton could be allowed to soak it. I saw unknown men riding behind that steering wheel ask even more unknown men to come and dance on top of their car, these men never thought even for a second whether the one dancing in front of his car spoke which language, they never saw the color of their skin or their religion, these men didn't have time for all that. All they wanted was an outlet to release and realize their love for their country and all that mattered was..... nothing. Every single man, and every single woman felt that surge in their blood to jump with a beat somewhere in the crowd and simply dance to their own tunes just to feel the energy, the happiness, the joy that their country had beaten the hell out of opponents on a cricket field and brought glory to all their hearts. In the middle of all those beats, I realized how Indian I was, how Indian I am.
I realized that these were all Indians who found peace in every little thing in their lives. Indians who will remain silent for almost eternity till the day comes when they realize, relish and release their nationalism and let that Indian come out on the roads to revolutionize this corrupt and sucking system. That day i am sure the same young blood which danced on hoardings will break down those party offices of pseudo secular politics, they would forget all race, religion, caste and every unknown man will join hands with every other unknown man and the whole of India would erupt, ride on unknown cars, and with a beat somewhere in the crowd bring down the entire system. That day I know it wont matter what that powerless old man with a blue turban says, it wont matter if any leaks bring out any stupid past news, it wont matter if any stupid boom boom says we don't have large hearts.
That day every single man and every single woman will feel that very same surge in their blood, beat the hell out of those who've corrupted the system and bring glory to their motherland. On that day we'll become true champions of the world coz all that matters would be....nothing.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
In Love with Love...again!
dedicated to all little hearts which beat together....
FICTION:
I didn't know what had happened to me. My mind was as if in some other world, a world where there were only two people, a world where there were only white clouds every where, sweet breeze to caress her and only the bright moon to watch us. I don't know how to define cloud nine but I knew i had almost taken it on lease, i was staying there for a long time now. I'll never know where i was, all i know is that i was in love, with love.
"Wise men say, only fools rush in,
but i can't help, falling in love with you..."
Every day she was my morning, she was my day and at night she was my dream. The moment she came in front of me, my eyes wanted to freeze that frame and never let it go off my mind, they always looked through all those files and directories in my brain's hard disk and the whole day my mind scanned through those fotos my eyes had taken each time I saw her, each time the breeze made those strands of hair fall on to her face, every time she moved them back to their place and those strands as if on my command came back to that face to make her smile, my eyes kept on clicking lyk a high speed high definition camera and stored each of those images into a secured locker in my heart mind and soul. Even God wont count the number of times I've went inside that secured locker and returned happier than ever, every time i returned I was in love again...
After all that was going on inside my heart, I had to tell her what I felt, I had to make her know that my heart beat doubled every time she smiled, every time I accidentally touched her hand and every time she looked at me with those beautiful little eyes. I wanted to tell her that I never wanted her to leave from in front of me, I wanted to tell her that she was stuck in my heart and was inside every drop of blood it pumped through my body. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, I wanted her to know...
"I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you"
She was right in front of me, holding a cup of icecream, so was I but i really don't remember what icecream it was, how it tasted, how much it cost, flavour, anything!! The only thing I could see was her and the only thing that was going through my mind was how should i say it to her. Never have i ever been so much tensed in my life that I was seeing my hands shiver, my lips numb, my eyes blank! The cup of icecream had no more ice, just cream for i was just mixing all that up with the spoon and never noticed that she was looking at me and my hands all the time, she had seen my hands shiver and saw that i was nervous. she asked me what happened, I couldn't say one damn word. All I did was look at her as my heart was pounding (became a train's engine...again!), I had said it so many times in my dreams, so many times in my thoughts, I had said it so easily. I have no idea why but I could not say a word, not a single word. And After a long pause i answered that i wanted to ask her something, but couldn't answer her next question," WHAT?"
I was saying it inside me, my eyes said it, my hands said it, my heart said it, my mind yelled it, but my lips were mum. I gathered all my courage, calmed myself, and with all my energy only could say, " Bubble, Will you be with me.?" I knew I had not completed but the pause was something I couldn't control. I tried again as I saw her look at me curiously with those little eyes looking straight into mine,
"Bubble, will you be with me?.......Forever?"
I didn't know if she understood what i wanted to say, I didn't know if she had understood how much i wanted her, how much i loved her, how it felt when she was near, how happy I was the whole day when she was with me even even for a minute, for all she did was look at me with her little unblinking eyes. I knew my lips were numb, they had almost sealed themselves shut in utter fear and nerves. I took a piece of paper napkin, and with a little pen wrote what just 2 lines from the song which was played for all this time inside me. I could barely manage two , I wrote:
"Shall I stay, would it be a sin,
If i cant help, falling in love with you..."
She took it from me and saw it, I don't know if she had read it at all coz i saw her look into me almost instantaneously the moment she looked into that piece of paper. There was something I saw in those eyes, those eyes were a little moist, I could feel something i hadn't till now, I felt her nervous, and all we were doing was looking into each others eyes as if they spoke for themselves, as if they had promised each other long back, I was simply looking into her eyes but so was she.!!
And after a much much longer pause, she took that pen from my hand and with shivering hands she wrote two lines beneath mine,
"take my hand, take my whole life too,
for i cant help, falling in love with you.."
FICTION:
I didn't know what had happened to me. My mind was as if in some other world, a world where there were only two people, a world where there were only white clouds every where, sweet breeze to caress her and only the bright moon to watch us. I don't know how to define cloud nine but I knew i had almost taken it on lease, i was staying there for a long time now. I'll never know where i was, all i know is that i was in love, with love.
"Wise men say, only fools rush in,
but i can't help, falling in love with you..."
Every day she was my morning, she was my day and at night she was my dream. The moment she came in front of me, my eyes wanted to freeze that frame and never let it go off my mind, they always looked through all those files and directories in my brain's hard disk and the whole day my mind scanned through those fotos my eyes had taken each time I saw her, each time the breeze made those strands of hair fall on to her face, every time she moved them back to their place and those strands as if on my command came back to that face to make her smile, my eyes kept on clicking lyk a high speed high definition camera and stored each of those images into a secured locker in my heart mind and soul. Even God wont count the number of times I've went inside that secured locker and returned happier than ever, every time i returned I was in love again...
After all that was going on inside my heart, I had to tell her what I felt, I had to make her know that my heart beat doubled every time she smiled, every time I accidentally touched her hand and every time she looked at me with those beautiful little eyes. I wanted to tell her that I never wanted her to leave from in front of me, I wanted to tell her that she was stuck in my heart and was inside every drop of blood it pumped through my body. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, I wanted her to know...
"I've found out a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you"
She was right in front of me, holding a cup of icecream, so was I but i really don't remember what icecream it was, how it tasted, how much it cost, flavour, anything!! The only thing I could see was her and the only thing that was going through my mind was how should i say it to her. Never have i ever been so much tensed in my life that I was seeing my hands shiver, my lips numb, my eyes blank! The cup of icecream had no more ice, just cream for i was just mixing all that up with the spoon and never noticed that she was looking at me and my hands all the time, she had seen my hands shiver and saw that i was nervous. she asked me what happened, I couldn't say one damn word. All I did was look at her as my heart was pounding (became a train's engine...again!), I had said it so many times in my dreams, so many times in my thoughts, I had said it so easily. I have no idea why but I could not say a word, not a single word. And After a long pause i answered that i wanted to ask her something, but couldn't answer her next question," WHAT?"
I was saying it inside me, my eyes said it, my hands said it, my heart said it, my mind yelled it, but my lips were mum. I gathered all my courage, calmed myself, and with all my energy only could say, " Bubble, Will you be with me.?" I knew I had not completed but the pause was something I couldn't control. I tried again as I saw her look at me curiously with those little eyes looking straight into mine,
"Bubble, will you be with me?.......Forever?"
I didn't know if she understood what i wanted to say, I didn't know if she had understood how much i wanted her, how much i loved her, how it felt when she was near, how happy I was the whole day when she was with me even even for a minute, for all she did was look at me with her little unblinking eyes. I knew my lips were numb, they had almost sealed themselves shut in utter fear and nerves. I took a piece of paper napkin, and with a little pen wrote what just 2 lines from the song which was played for all this time inside me. I could barely manage two , I wrote:
"Shall I stay, would it be a sin,
If i cant help, falling in love with you..."
She took it from me and saw it, I don't know if she had read it at all coz i saw her look into me almost instantaneously the moment she looked into that piece of paper. There was something I saw in those eyes, those eyes were a little moist, I could feel something i hadn't till now, I felt her nervous, and all we were doing was looking into each others eyes as if they spoke for themselves, as if they had promised each other long back, I was simply looking into her eyes but so was she.!!
And after a much much longer pause, she took that pen from my hand and with shivering hands she wrote two lines beneath mine,
"take my hand, take my whole life too,
for i cant help, falling in love with you.."
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Monotone-us...
For two months, which felt like no less than 2 years, i felt every inch of the word the world calls "stressed". Every damn day woke up early, ran to office and in office there was always so much in store that one brain always felt insufficient, two hands always too busy and two legs always too slow. For two months while i was being trained, my heart pumped hard because so much was flowing in...so much was needed to flow out as code and so much was left. Time made fun of you, coz every time you checked the time, it was way too ahead of what you thought. But there was something different than usual, my mind had started loving it!! I don't know how or why, but it seemed like it had reversed the word "stressed" and made it "desserts"!!!!!
Today I am in Hyderabad. Away from home, away from friends, away from college. For the first time in my life i've realized what I am without my friends...just an old shoe with open laces...wont fit in anywhere, and will be left out at every step. Here i work for a company which has 200,000 people to work on nearly double number of computers. I work for a company where you work on a computer and some other computer works on you. Today i am one of them.
I miss my friends every day when i enter the office and find numb faces staring at me, every day when i sit on the wooden "bench" made specially for people like me, benches where people have to sit facing away from each other and look at other fellow workers walking away in groups of not more than 2 and talking something i would never understand..
"The different modules u kno ugulululu, i m working on the data side of the beta section but database blasalauausu connectivity!! I told him adu asuglugglalsguglglugugugulululu...luagayalturualu..Database ufyshsanalulublablblublu...beta bhulululu.. (the unknown part was telugu!!!! which i didn't understand one bit!!!!!!).
But there was something i did understand, it was the look on their faces, it was Numb. They bore no expression, eyebrows didn't move, eyes dull, shoulders down, no smile ever, shirt cuffs folded up, dusty shoes, an unclear ID card hanging from the collar, from six pack to rice pack bellies and they all walked slowly. A look on the face where you feel they had lost all hopes of a flying career, all dreams slowly and painfully washing themselves away with every second they spend looking into the computers. There was something which i was never accustomed to, a deserted feeling inside such a huge office with so many people and I found that same feeling reflected in every eye which looked at me every time i laughed out loud or was excited to tell something.
I wanted to know what made them such monotonous machines, i wanted to show them the mirror to let them know how deserted and numb they all looked, how dull they look when they walk slow, I wanted to know if that's what i was going to become in days to come...
I had so many questions to ask,"What do these resource managers do!!" "Why does every second spectacled man look like Ramalinga Raju and every third lady look pregnant!!" "Why don't you all smile ever.??!?" "Why do you allll walk slowww.!!!!!" "Why's every one talking about only 'onsite'!!" "Does ANYONE CARE !!!!!!!!??" "Why are Freshers treated lyk Filth!!!!????" "Does it EVER matter how you feel!!???" but i know nothing would ever come out of those closed minds working around me with numb faces. I don't think any one would ever TELL me the reason why they all looked so heavily monotonous.
It's now 2 weeks I've joined the office here. Every day i have to report to the resource manager who says he has nothing for people without any prior experience and just asks us to go! From a hurried life in Ahmedabad where time was always running out, Time seems to be making fun of me again. With absolutely nothing to do whole day and with rejection and denial every morning, being treated like filth....by the end of the day today i felt something really harsh...
I was losing hopes of a flying career, felt my dreams washing away slowly and painfully, me eyes were dull, eyebrows numb, shoulders down, i didn't want to smile, my shoes were dusty, shirt cuffs folded up and with an unclear ID hanging on my collar, I walked out of the exit....very slowly.
Today I am in Hyderabad. Away from home, away from friends, away from college. For the first time in my life i've realized what I am without my friends...just an old shoe with open laces...wont fit in anywhere, and will be left out at every step. Here i work for a company which has 200,000 people to work on nearly double number of computers. I work for a company where you work on a computer and some other computer works on you. Today i am one of them.
I miss my friends every day when i enter the office and find numb faces staring at me, every day when i sit on the wooden "bench" made specially for people like me, benches where people have to sit facing away from each other and look at other fellow workers walking away in groups of not more than 2 and talking something i would never understand..
"The different modules u kno ugulululu, i m working on the data side of the beta section but database blasalauausu connectivity!! I told him adu asuglugglalsguglglugugugulululu...luagayalturualu..Database ufyshsanalulublablblublu...beta bhulululu.. (the unknown part was telugu!!!! which i didn't understand one bit!!!!!!).
But there was something i did understand, it was the look on their faces, it was Numb. They bore no expression, eyebrows didn't move, eyes dull, shoulders down, no smile ever, shirt cuffs folded up, dusty shoes, an unclear ID card hanging from the collar, from six pack to rice pack bellies and they all walked slowly. A look on the face where you feel they had lost all hopes of a flying career, all dreams slowly and painfully washing themselves away with every second they spend looking into the computers. There was something which i was never accustomed to, a deserted feeling inside such a huge office with so many people and I found that same feeling reflected in every eye which looked at me every time i laughed out loud or was excited to tell something.
I wanted to know what made them such monotonous machines, i wanted to show them the mirror to let them know how deserted and numb they all looked, how dull they look when they walk slow, I wanted to know if that's what i was going to become in days to come...
I had so many questions to ask,"What do these resource managers do!!" "Why does every second spectacled man look like Ramalinga Raju and every third lady look pregnant!!" "Why don't you all smile ever.??!?" "Why do you allll walk slowww.!!!!!" "Why's every one talking about only 'onsite'!!" "Does ANYONE CARE !!!!!!!!??" "Why are Freshers treated lyk Filth!!!!????" "Does it EVER matter how you feel!!???" but i know nothing would ever come out of those closed minds working around me with numb faces. I don't think any one would ever TELL me the reason why they all looked so heavily monotonous.
It's now 2 weeks I've joined the office here. Every day i have to report to the resource manager who says he has nothing for people without any prior experience and just asks us to go! From a hurried life in Ahmedabad where time was always running out, Time seems to be making fun of me again. With absolutely nothing to do whole day and with rejection and denial every morning, being treated like filth....by the end of the day today i felt something really harsh...
I was losing hopes of a flying career, felt my dreams washing away slowly and painfully, me eyes were dull, eyebrows numb, shoulders down, i didn't want to smile, my shoes were dusty, shirt cuffs folded up and with an unclear ID hanging on my collar, I walked out of the exit....very slowly.
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