Down and Out!

I don't know if what i am writing is comprehensible, reprehensible,sententious, simply inscrutable or just insouciant rubbish , but i am painting my heart out on this canvas and for me it no longer matters if it's worth even a penny of praise or curse. Abstruse as it may seem, my mind is no different. Complex, terse, spectral, sordid or whatever one would call, it ain't far from a guess.
Life as it's quite common for everyone is full of bonds. Technical, emotional, psychological, and even professional bonds. My mind ain't different. Bonds Bonds and more bonds; covalent,ionic and magnetic. The problem arises when these bonds start tightening and make it difficult to respire. That problem is one of those in which i am just not able to find a way out. All around there's a feeling of being lost in a labyrinth of blood, a labyrinth of relations, a chakravyuh destined to kill you, a feeling that makes me feel no less than an Eklavya who did everything he could but still succumbed to the chakravyuh. For the first time in my life I've ran out of solutions.
"Never opened my self this way...
Life is ours, we live it our way..." ,says Metallica. Am feeling no different. "All these words i don't just say....
And nothing else matters...".
Few days back i felt if i were a child....but now i dont. I do not want to relive these days where each second I am dying. A Hemorrhage that can't be cured. A Mind that has not yet healed, for everyday it gets hurt. There are so many ways to kill someone, but there's one way that has killed me not once, but many many times. Words. Sometimes some words make ya feel great, some words can make ya happy, some words can make you cry, but there are some words that kill. Some words that take no time to pierce through the otherwise impregnable mind. I have enough holes in there caused by these simple looking words. And it Hurts. It Kills.
These wounds seem to have become septic now, for they are spreading to every known corner of my mind, body and soul. On a race where at every moment one needs to be focused to achieve the goal, I seem to be having a leaking fuel tank.
With no mordant or sardonic feelings or animosity or any invidious comments,I need to tell something. I am not a bigot, I am not an angry boy who doesn't care, and for god's sake i am not Selfish.!!! I may not be able to express my love the way you would want me to, I may be a coconut from outside but i am no less than milk inside. I love everyone...I care for everyone from the bottom of my heart. Please don't use words that kill, I wont be able to take that anymore. Am alive just for a small little Bond i care. Am already a recluse, please don't make me a forlorn waste. I've already lost all my energy, help me. Am down and Out.