Mao Jao..

Its been long. People dying for no cause. People being killed for no fault of theirs. People killed by their own countrymen. It feels no good to be seeing that too often. People killing fellow countrymen without even knowing the reason why.
Few days back i had the chance to know what must have been going through the minds of the killers about why they did all that they did(!). I read an interview of Arundhati Roy (thanx to Bro's classmate Vinay), only to realize some things of the other side. But i cannot find a convincing reason to kill innocents. I am a fan of Ms. Roy, but still I found no reason good enough to answer the cry of the 2 yr old son of a slain soldier. I found nothing that could justify the bombing of a school meant for tribals. I found no reason to call the bloody naxalites 'Indians'.
I understand that the people have faced terrible atrocities and they are forced to take up arms. I truly understand it when she says," What can one do when one's wife is being raped.?, take up arms.." Absolutely true. When it comes to such a situation, even i would take up arms. I would have had no problem with that. But will i shoot some one who had nothing to do with it?? Will i just shoot anyone who looks like the rapist.?? Aren't these Naxals taking arms against the wrong enemy.?? Aren't they shooting with a blind eye ?

The problem i know is not easy to be solved. The villagers in those areas are victims of cruel actions by some police officials, certainly there are such officials who deserve to be hanged by the noose with absolutely no mercy. But then there are also police officials who work for their welfare, who work to remove such problems, who work to remove the stains caused by the bad men in their own dept. Why do these officers die to naxal fire.?? By the time the naxals reach the bad man's office, the bad man would have fled miles away, and left an honest scapegoat to be mercilessly killed in vengeance. By the time the badman reaches his hideout, the other man is beheaded, and his head held up for public view. This may not be Maoism, but this sure is Naxalism in India. I am sorry Ms. Roy, i cannot say to the family of the dead soldier that he died because of a people's war. I am sorry Ms. Roy, I don't call this "people's war".
If it's injustice they are fighting against then why are they not interested in peace.? They have raised their voice loud enough to be heard by everyone and still they call themselves Maoists and kill more people who have nothing to do with it. In fact the reasons Ms. Roy has mentioned are no different than the reasons why the LTTE was born. The modus operandi is no different than that of the Taliban. The only difference being that the Naxals are in India, the LTTE in Srilanka. And if the Naxals continue what they've been doing for longer, they'll definitely end up where the LTTE is right now...heaven or perhaps hell.

The only solution for the atrocities faced by the poor in those areas in through talks, which can only be possible if the naxals stop violence. Unconditional talks, as Ms. Roy expects, is stupid. That's something like having a meeting with them in a room while they kill people outside the room!! What we need is a Govt which can hear the the people's calls. A judiciary which does not hesitate in hanging corrupt officers, a system where corruption is held similar to terrorism. Till then, no matter how many Ms. Roys or Chidambarams come in, we'll have someone somewhere who'll be taking up a gun and will start shooting in the dark.

Buck Buck Buckwaas!!

The Home Minister says, "The Buck stops at the CM's table.", and with that starts a blame game where every other politician puts an indirect blame on some other politician for the massacre of armed men from the Central Reserve Police Force by the bloody Naxalites.

All this seems to have ended with another "buck" as the Home Minister takes the blame on himself and says," The Buck stops at my table". All bull shit. Buck shit. As these power people keep blaming each other, the bloody Naxalites have blown up another school in Aurangabad. The stupid blame game is never gonna stop what these bloody Naxalites have been doing. They will continue killing innocent people, they will continue blowing hospitals to smithereens, they will continue killing brave doctors. And all these power people do after all that is say "we are deeply hurt", " What happened is wrong", and worse they say, " I had offered to resign" ( reminds me of my school days when i used to say " Did Homework but forgot copy!!" ), and then they'll say, " the Buck stops bla bla bla...". All Buckwaaas..!

When the terrorists attacked Mumbai, did we ever think which country those attackers belonged to? Even if we did, would anyone forgive them if they were Indians? Would we ever be ready for stupid talks with them.? Hell no!! All we care about is their death, all we want is their elimination, all we wish is to uproot them from their bloody tips of their bloody roots. How different are these Naxals to those terrorists.?? The Naxals are also against our democracy, they too kill people mercilessly, they too plant bombs, ambush the police, behead innocents. But why on Earth are we not thinking of eliminating them? Why is the Army not brought in to remove them completely? Why no Air-force.??? Why do we call them Indians? The Home minister says, "the Naxals are finally fellow Indians and so we wont use the Army", I refuse to call these killers 'Indians'. I find no difference between their leader Kishenji (or whatever) and Mullah Omar. I don't see them as our brothers. I don't see them as Men, I don't see them as Indians.

All that i see is a 3 yr old son weeping in front of his father's dead body, a young wife weeping for her newly wed husband who was shot dead by them, a 10 yr old boy who'll wait forever for the bicycle his father promised, Mother of a brave son-who was due to get married next week-weeping in front of his son's motionless body. They don't care what the Home Minister says, they don't care what the bloody Naxals demanded, they don't care why they fired , for all they cared for was lying in front of them, wrapped in the Indian flag , and all they could see were the last sights of the son they brought up with utmost care being brought on four shoulders in a wooden box, all they hear is not the speech of the CM, but the last gunshots fired in front of their son's coffin. For them, the Buck will never stop...

The Insignia of Freedom.

"So close, no matter how far,
Couldn't be much more from the heart,
Forever trusted who you are,
And nothing else matters..."

18 months. All it takes to reach hell. One month. All it takes to come out. A month back, I was in no place within me. Down to the bottom all drained out. I had no idea what i was worth of. I didn't know what to do. I needed some sleep. So i did. I was hibernating. And now, as days just walked past like wind and nights flew like dust, i didn't realize that i was being healed by the greatest healer ever....Time.

" It took all the strength i had not to fall apart,
kept thinking how to mend the pieces of my broken heart"

Time had started its work. It didn't matter to me if i had great scores or not. I was no longer down. I was getting up, getting up to be myself again, getting up to be what i was, what i am and what i will be, no matter what comes in front of me, be it a result, be it marks, be it staring faces, be it hell.

"And i spent all so many nights thinking sorry for myself,
i used to cry, but now i hold my head up high."

I may have stepped on a sharp pebble with soft feet on my first step, but i am no loser to stop running. I am no quitter to start quitting. I had learnt how to face failure, and i was just getting better. I was just out of hell. And i was ready to run. Run harder. I was free. I don't know what powered me on, but i was sure i knew i was lighter, and i was still on my way to my dreams. Time had helped me stick it up, it was no longer shattered, Time had made the dream stronger. Time had made me stronger.

" ...Trust i seek, and i find in you,
Everyday for something new,
Opened mind for a different view,
And nothing else matters."

I was awake. My eyes open, eyebrows down, I looked into the mirror. I knew i was better. I was slimmer, but not weak. I was down, but not out. I may have lost a battle, but the war was still on, and i was not ready to give up. I was ready to fight. Fight my past, in my present, for my future.

"You think I'd crumble you think I'd lay down and die,
Oh no, not I, I will survive."

For all my friends who helped me when i needed them, Friends who told me what i was, what i meant to them, Friends who made me realize that i had learned something not many would love to learn, I am up, all woken up. All fired up. The fire's in my eyes, my words are really clear, so Just beat it!!!!

Hell Yeahhh i am back!!!!!!!!

My Last Bow

For 18 months, I slept at 1 and woke up at 5. For 18 months, I forgot my health. For 18 months, I studied like hell. And now, after 18 months, I am in hell.
For a long time i was walking towards my dream, step by step, inch by inch and one day i realize, all those dreams just got shattered.

" Don't know my world where i was, i realized life was a game, more seriously i took things, the harder the rules became."

I worked hard. Harder than i had ever. And now i find myself in a hole where all around me are people who can easily doubt it.

" I found out how little i'd accomplished, all my plans denied."

With all my colleagues, most of whom i've outscored often, getting 99-98 and 97%iles, and one of them becoming an All India topper, I find myself broken down to the deepest levels of my heart. I find myself nowhere.

"Moving on is a simple thing, what it leaves behind is hard.
I know the sleeping feel no more pain, when the living's all scarred."

I wont die. I don't want to. I need to sleep, I need to hibernate. To wake up some day and roar again on the faces that doubted me, the faces which looked at me when i saw my dream get burnt, the faces which looked at me as i cried, the faces which could do nothing.

Here i am, my last bow to all pleasures, my last bow to orkut, my last bow to facebook, last bow to farmville, my last bow to all the small little call letters. My last bow to My Mind's Canvas till the day i wake up again. The day when i will roar again....till then, I am studying like hell....

Rahul Thackeray vs Uddhav Gandhi !!

I am an Indian who lives in Maharashtra. I may have lived in Maharashtra since my birth, but still I am an Indian first. For all my school life I had said it every day in the school's morning assembly that India is my country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters. I wonder why so many people seem to have forgot that now. Why are people starting to hate fellow Indians just because they hail from some other place in India?? I'll never know that, nor understand that, may be because i am an Indian first.
By writing this i do not want to challenge any shiv sainik nor Uddhav Thackeray, nor Raj. I deeply support their cause and do express my concern. But there's no way that i can support the means through which they intend to achieve their goals. I don't feel there's any wrong in the little Gandhi trying to move against him. But the furore and the hype it has created does attract many eyes. I am just one of them.
To begin with, I do understand that Marathi people who have been here are getting subdued in work by workers from other parts of India. So, does this mean that you should beat them up and throw them out of trains!!????!! Let norms be made so that work permits be given to migrant workers. Let their be an inquiry to find the reason why migrant workers are preferred, and they'll find (as i have) that the workers here are lazy and demand full day wages even if they haven't worked so. The migrant workers seem to working harder ( this i have come to know after talking to some local contractors). So why is the Shiv sena not taking steps to improve the quality of workers in Maharasthtra.?? If the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena does want some navnirman then they should try improve the worker's quality rather than beating out the others.! It seems to be absolutely ridiculous to threaten fellow Indians to run away or face dire consequences just because their presence would force local workers to work harder!!
Lets move ahead. I understand that Pakistan is politically India's enemy, but are Pakistani cricketers the same.? Then why not allow them to play on Indian soil.?? This is what Shah Rukh Khan meant when he said that he would like to see Pakistani Players play in the IPL. But what has happened to the Shiv sena.!?? They now call SRK a pakistani and ask him to go Karachi if he wants to see pakistani players!! What's more they even pull out posters of him starring in a movie!! I dont think the Pakistani players bat with AK47s or bowl with hand Grenades, they are just civilians like us who play good cricket!! None of them wants war or has links with terror. I would join the Sena if any pak player is caught in India involved in any terrorist activity.
For all this time i truly believed that Shiv sena had the ability to develop Maharashtra the way Gujarat moved ahead. But what they have done now seems no less than desperation and anger at being lost out for the second time in the elections and that too due to a fellow Marathi. The recent war of words with the little Gandhi seems no less. If Sena was truly concerned about the Marathi then they would have ignored him and looked at bringing in new ideas for the ruling govt. Who knows, that could help them in the next elections!
By doing all that they have done now, all they are doing is earning hatred from all others. "Don't interfere in Marathi affairs" itself seems to be a call against everyone who is not a Marathi!!! Why is the Sena in such a self-destruct mode!!?? If the little Gandhi has raised his voice, some day the whole of Maharashtra would, and if the sena continues what it's doing now, will it be able to face that call?
The day when the whole of Maharashtra shouts," I am an Indian who lives in Maharashtra"

A Lost World

3 months back, i was one of the happiest people in the world. I had the feeling that i had worked hard enough for the hardest papers to come. For a long time i had given up much of my sleep, my energy, my mind for what i believed was my war. A war with entrance exams. I was motivated like a soldier ready to go at war against an ever increasing enemy. I felt i was ready.
I have never faced this much change ever in my life in so less time. I was over joyed that some of the papers went the way i wanted them to. I was speaking like a confident orator when i told my dad that i would reject the TCS offer since i would go for my MBA. Few mock-CAT, mock XAT, mock FMS results had lifted me up. I had not realized that it had lifted me up on feathers. I was soon to fall. I just did.
The mock exams' results seem to be a mockery now. I had a 99%ile on many of the mock tests i had taken...The Lost world. The True World had something else to offer.With 2 of the 3 exams' results out, i find myself in a lost world with no walls to look for support. I could only manage a 91 in XAT...and no calls from FMS. I soon realized that i was falling from the skies. The plane i wanted to fly had started to crash...and the only parachute was TCS. I still don't know if i would open that parachute.
There's nothing that i want to do now. Dejected. Rejected. My mind resting on just one thing i had just learned :

Courage need not always be roaring. Sometimes it is the quiet voice within that says, " I will try again tomorrow. "

Place meant for Placement...

Last week was really interesting. Too many things happened to mention, of which here i mention one...

Interviewer: Who the hell do you think you are.??!! Get up, go to the door and say it to me.
Student: Sir..I am (bla bla bla bla)( he was tinge nervous ).
Interviewer: Why is your left hand moving?
Student: I don't know sir.
Interviewer: What hell do you mean you dont know.!!! bloody hell you say that you are confident etc etc etc all bullshit, and i see your bloody hand oscillating...who do you think i am.? you think i don't know, huh.?? These kind of people is exactly what i don't want!! I will take in bullshit but i bloody don't want people whose hands bloody start oscillating like a bloody pendulum, bullshit!! You are not worth being in TCS. I assure you you are out!.
Interviewer:(after some time) Do you have any questions for me.?
Student: Yes, sir.
Interviewer: What ? ask it and go..
Student: Why was my left hand moving?

The interviewer had no good answer. The student was venky, and he is now a part of TCS. The interviewer's name we still don't know. He grilled every student he interviewed and asked hell like questions. Everyone called him Raghu, for he was bald. But, he didn't reject a single student he had the talk with. He interviewed nearly 10 or 12 from my college, and selected all of them. I was one of them. In a moment, from Raghu he became Auro.

This happened last week. After two days of grueling wait, at 7 30 pm, the T&P officer announced the names. When my name was announced i knew what was happiness, i felt what relief was. I understood what satisfaction was. But most of all, after a long time, i knew where i was,i knew what i was. I had an offer letter which said i would be paid 315,000 Rs in an year.
Next day, i was called up by Infocepts Technologies (remember 'Collapsed Anxiety' Sept08.?). They wanted to give me an offer letter as well. I went there, and after some wait, they gave me an offer letter, no an appointment letter !!! Since i was already working on a project with them, i was given direct appointment as a data warehouse associate. I didn't know what to do!! i was presently the only person in YCCE with multiple job offers.!!!!
I came back home and read the letter to mom. You are being offered a job at 3,00,0000 Rs annually. For a moment i couldn't realize what the fault was, but then i realized there was a problem..!!! A big big problem!!! instead of 3,00,000 they had accidentally added one more zero!!!!! So right now i was holding an offer letter for 30 lacs in an year!!!!! Obviously it was an error, but it was enough to make me enjoy that moment!!! This happened yesterday.

Now, when i was all set to check out the mail from TCS ( which i was told to follow in order to get some official stuff ), i didn't have that mail, when everyone had already got it. To add to my worries the other vishnu pillai in my class called me then and told that he had the mail from TCS, with all his details!!! Oh, dear!!! Now what!!! i checked the selection letter, the TCS id was not mine, it was of the other vishnu's ( he could not get to the finals)...Oh God where was I!!! I didn't know what to do, where to go, whom to call, whom to tell, nothing.!! I had just rejected a 30lacs offer (though a printing mistake), and here i was with a placement letter that had details of another vishnu!!!! I was in complete chaos, i was nervous.

After all this, when I stood in front of my mirror,thinking what to do? what not to do? whom to call? what to say? what not to say? ,all i saw was one thing:
my left hand was moving.