Almost one month has passed since I've been here in Ahmedabad. I still cant believe that so much can happen in a month, I am not what i was just a month back. I feel i am some one else, some one i had known existed but could never find. I saw some one who was laughing at me all these years. A sound that was laughing at me every time i was spending my dad's money for no use what so ever. A man who looked at me with a grin and then laughed when i bought something just because i wanted it but never needed it. A cry of laughter every time my bike was filled full tank and i roamed aimlessly never knowing where i was heading to.At every blind turn i heard that laughter. A laughter which i could hear every time my mind desired to have something it never could wear. I knew that man who laughed at me, but could never find him all these years. Today i saw that laughing man...
Life was never this way before. I was swimming in unknown waters and never knew how deep it was till the day i looked back and found my loved ones far away from me at a distance from where they couldn't even hear my cry for help. I miss them as i move ahead in these unknown waters with no idea of when i would return to the world where i was born. The world where i used to wake up late, brushed as and when i wanted, didn't bathe on cold winter mornings, dress up in whatever way i wanted and had no single bit of worry ever inside the heart. My world where the only approval that mattered was from the boss who woke me up, the boss who made the tea every god damn morning without fail, collected all my stinky socks from the bin and washed them without ever being noticeable and arranged them inside my cupboard without making it look bad ever. The boss who stitched up those shirts every time they were torn and donated them to the needy every time i rejected them. The boss who cooked all the food i loved whenever i wanted and still would listen to all the fire thrown on to her every time salt was not as usual in sambar and when she forgot to wake me up on time, and when the tea was not hot or the socks were not clean enough. Every time I threw fire i felt this man somewhere near me...and he was laughing.Never was i old enough to know who that man was. Never was i grown up to know where i had seen this man, I know i was never grown up at all. And Today i saw that laughing man...
As i swim in these deep waters, waking up early at 5, shaving every morning, dressing up in business formals compulsorily, reaching everywhere on time,sitting on a chair for 9 hours and look at all unknown stuff on a screen being poured directly into my brain, eating a tasteless sambar almost daily, finding trouble to keep the cupboard clean, and washing my stinky socks myself, today my old tshirt tore all of a sudden while i was brushing my teeth and for a second i laughed...I laughed as i looked in the mirror...i saw what i had become in this time.In the mirror i found myself grown up. In the mirror I saw who was laughing all the time, in the mirror i saw what i was, in the mirror i saw there was nothing behind me in these deep waters, my loved ones far far away from me, in a moment i saw myself laugh, my shirt was torn and the moment i thought of my boss I looked in the mirror, in a moment i knew that laughter was the same i had heard all these years, in a moment i knew what i had become ....
In the mirror i saw that laughing man.... and that laughing man was me.
Life was never this way before. I was swimming in unknown waters and never knew how deep it was till the day i looked back and found my loved ones far away from me at a distance from where they couldn't even hear my cry for help. I miss them as i move ahead in these unknown waters with no idea of when i would return to the world where i was born. The world where i used to wake up late, brushed as and when i wanted, didn't bathe on cold winter mornings, dress up in whatever way i wanted and had no single bit of worry ever inside the heart. My world where the only approval that mattered was from the boss who woke me up, the boss who made the tea every god damn morning without fail, collected all my stinky socks from the bin and washed them without ever being noticeable and arranged them inside my cupboard without making it look bad ever. The boss who stitched up those shirts every time they were torn and donated them to the needy every time i rejected them. The boss who cooked all the food i loved whenever i wanted and still would listen to all the fire thrown on to her every time salt was not as usual in sambar and when she forgot to wake me up on time, and when the tea was not hot or the socks were not clean enough. Every time I threw fire i felt this man somewhere near me...and he was laughing.Never was i old enough to know who that man was. Never was i grown up to know where i had seen this man, I know i was never grown up at all. And Today i saw that laughing man...
As i swim in these deep waters, waking up early at 5, shaving every morning, dressing up in business formals compulsorily, reaching everywhere on time,sitting on a chair for 9 hours and look at all unknown stuff on a screen being poured directly into my brain, eating a tasteless sambar almost daily, finding trouble to keep the cupboard clean, and washing my stinky socks myself, today my old tshirt tore all of a sudden while i was brushing my teeth and for a second i laughed...I laughed as i looked in the mirror...i saw what i had become in this time.In the mirror i found myself grown up. In the mirror I saw who was laughing all the time, in the mirror i saw what i was, in the mirror i saw there was nothing behind me in these deep waters, my loved ones far far away from me, in a moment i saw myself laugh, my shirt was torn and the moment i thought of my boss I looked in the mirror, in a moment i knew that laughter was the same i had heard all these years, in a moment i knew what i had become ....
In the mirror i saw that laughing man.... and that laughing man was me.
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